And now I'm making deals?... The Inner Breast Cancer B@d@ss has yet to show her face

The potential of loss over the next 10 weeks became a little overwhelming today.  It seemed to all just hit me at once, although, in reality, it was one lose followed quickly by another, followed quickly by another.  Running to the bathroom between classes almost wasn't fast enough today.  I could lose my hair.  That would start soon.  I could have permanent heart damage.  We won't know until we know.  Osteoporosis - that could happen.  I *am* losing the coordination of my hands, but haven't felt *too* much pain, yet, but I drop *so much* now.  What will that mean for driving?  No cross-stitching.  Don't laugh.  I love it.  I can't figure things out like I used to - and now it is sooooo hard to teach like I used to.  I get lost in my reasoning - but now what I have are pieces with no connections.  I can't lean on my hands *at all* or they are instantly half in pain and half asleep.  There is no closure where there once was a very cozy place for me; a cozy place, in fact, that I only discovered about...  8 months ago.

And my breaking point - my favorite comfort food doesn't taste good anymore.  I spent more than I should have to indulge myself.  My appetite hasn't been great, but it's been steady.  I was so ready to treat myself on payday.  So of this rant - this is what I've lost in the last 24 hours - lost some hand coordination = driving, typing, cross-stitching - lost the ability to self regulate body temperature, especially at night/can't sleep close to anyone or anything - I can't figure things out like I used to, like even yesterday, and it is severely affecting my lectures - leaning on my hands puts them half in pain and half asleep - and closure.  Everyone deserves a little closure sometime, right?  And my favorite comfort food.  It tastes like nothing doused in ketchup now.

So I'm still willing to deal.  One.  Just one.  If I can keep one of these things I am either in the process of losing or in danger of losing, I would be happy.  I promise.  I don't even need to choose.  You pick, and I'll be happy with it.  Really.  I will.  Trust me.